ENG 111 Essays - Writing, Human Communication, Communication

ENG 111 Paper #2 Peer Review Writer's Name _Michelle Tomenchok_ Reviewer's Name _Angela Federico__ INTRODUCTION 1) Does the writer use a hook, some stylistic technique to grab their audience's attention? How does it bring the reader's attention to the specific topic of the paper? How could it be improved? The writer uses a question to start off the introduction paragraph. It grabs the audience's attention by questioning why America is becoming more obese each year. It could be improved by re-wording it. 2) Is sufficient background provided for the audience? In other words, does the writer properly set the context for the paper? What other information would be helpful for the writer to provide for you to better understand the topic? Not enough background information for the audience. I recommend providing more details on each article and explain a little more how one helps you understand the other better. 3) What does the writer suggest is the significance of this issue? In other words, why, according to the writer, should the audience care about this topic? The significance of the issue is the obesity epidemic in America. The author does not explain why the author should care about this topic, I assume it is automatically understood that Americans would want to care about the obesity crisis since it is affecting our entire country. 4) Identify the thesis statement of the paper (underline the actual sentence). In your own words, paraphrase the writer's thesis statement below: The thesis states that Moss will help us understand Freedman's proposal of getting a handle on the epidemic due to bliss point, advertisements, and explanation of why Americans overconsume calories. BODY 1) Does each paragraph begin with a topic sentence that tells the reader not only the focus of the paragraph but relates to a point made in the thesis? Mark each paragraph that omits the T.S. Topic sentences are okay, could be better. I suggest expanding and including a little more of what the paragraph will be about a 'lens' relationship between the articles. 2) Are quotes integrated and lead into with a signal phrase? Circle areas where the quote needs to be integrated or a signal phrase needs to be used. Quotes are highlighted in yellow that need signal phrases. About half have signal phrases and half don't. 3) When the writer references one of the articles for the first time (note: this can be done in the introduction), does he or she include the relevant bibliographic information when introducing the text, specifically the author and the title? Make note of instances where this info is missing. Introduction of articles is correct. Only one other error- highlighted in red 4) When using each article, does the author make specific reference to the text's specific ideas or exact phrases or is it simply large general portions of summary. Can you understand why that piece of information was chosen by the writer? Identify where the writer's "agenda" (or, intent) is missing from his or her source use in the paper. I can understand the use of the quotes and why they are being used, however, there is no analysis afterwards. 5) Does each paragraph provide sufficient analysis of the evidence it provides or does it simply let the evidence "speak for itself?" Identify which paragraphs could be improved with more explanation and analysis. Simply lets the evidence 'speak for itself'. Check paragraphs 1-6 6) Identify paragraphs where the content (evidence and analysis) does not match the topic sentence or seems "off topic." Paragraph content matches the topic sentence in all paragraphs, however, the writer is discussing the topic the authors wrote about instead of how one helps us understand the other. 7) Identify at least 2 places in the body where a transitions "move" (from Graff's TSIS) would HELP the ideas flow. Write "ADD MOVE" in the margins. If you see more opportunities, note these as well. 3,4,6,8 CONCLUSION 1) On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the best), rate the quality of the conclusions. Does it represent a strong finish to the writer's argument? Does it simply restate the writer's main claim (thesis)? Does it do anything else? 4 out of 10 -Could use a transition\ -Lacks the proper information (should be a lens relationship) -Does not restate what the paper was about 2) Does the writer's main claim remain consistent throughout the paper? Going back to the introduction, can you suggest a way to improve the introduction now that you have thoroughly read the paper? The claim